A WEEK FULL OF CRYING

The most unexpected thing happened..... i had an argument after my FYP meeting... it is the least expected thing.... i had an argument with nz... the last person that i thought i will fight with.... i would not speak about why we fought and was is the argument is because i wish to respect the privacy of ours... i was totally down... she is one of my close friend in RP... i enjoy hers and Nisha' s company a lot and then this happened.... it is really painful when you fight with someone who is close to you... i hated the feeling.... i could not control my tears at all... to be honest i cried... i am not sure why but the past week i have been crying a lot... its like a waterfall... though we are in the "cool" pace... but seriously speaking it would take sometime to heal.... i just do not understand how come we ended up like that.... we used to sail in the same boat and now i am in the different boat and she is in the different boat... from where the difference came???? i think it is a really bad week for me... i am crying all week and i am emotionally down most of the times and now i feel i screwed up my friendship... i just do not understand what the hell is wrong... hopefully this thing gets over... it is tiring for me to go on like this!!! seriously people... i just want to be myself...

Finally it is decided... the preparations are going to be finalised on Wednesday.... i have to go with a full flow with a happy smile... well i am not sure whether i can give a full smile or a plastic smile on that day!!! i wish everything will be alright. i just wish i can be comfortable in this whole preparations that is planned for me... it is very sad that i am going to be 21 and my opinions are not really bothered... its like... what say do i have in all these years... how i wish to somehow escape this whole embarrassment that is going to happen on the 30th aug 2008 ~ damn me!!

The Unexpected....

I received a call from my cousin saying that she would come to my house in the evening to discuss my 21st birthday celebration preparation. My heart sank when she said that!!! on the way back home, i practiced within myself what to say to my cousin so that i can avoid this whole 21 st birthday function!!! when i reached home, i was quite prepared to be "vocal". i need to express my thoughts so that i would not have to be committed to the function. then around 7.30pm in the evening my cousins (mai and lava) my aunties with my cousin brother came to my house. first we just settled down. my cousin mai brought me to the room and asked about my thoughts. i told her clearly that i am not comfortable wearing a grown and walk down the stairs with a music and being the centre of the attraction for the day!!! i told her i rather make it revu's 21st birthday birthday. we were talking and talking and finally arrived at the conclusion that i will stand beside revu when there is a cake cutting and the pouring of wine in the 21 wine glasses.

the bomb or the shock of the year arrived when the elders sat in the hall and talked. they first asked what is my plan. i told them what i told mai in the room. then soon all started to chip in their ideas making me feel that i am the "bad" person in the whole place. they started to question me and all that. i was very determined to be strong in my decision and stood at it till the end. but when my mom asked me some questions, i was not able to answer. for the first time, she made me feel so bad that, i was really in tears but i dare not show it. call it anger or being upset, for the first time in my life, i raised my voice when my aunties, my mom, my brothers and my cousins were sitting and looking at me.. (i said ok..ok..ok..in a raised tone)..... with the answer, i realised i was blurring due to the tears forming.... i quickly wiped it...( i swear to god that with no happiness i agreed to celebrate my 21 st birthday... thats the final decision.) nobody understand why i do not want to celebrate!!

everyone that are going to come to the birthday function are going to compare me and revu in terms of looks. i totally agree that revu looks so much better than me.. 1000 times. i just a fat girl with acne... makes the whole thing worst. i do not want to embarrass myself and also revu. she will be walking like a swan in the whole place and i will be like a pumpkin tagging along!!! thats so embarrassing. the aunties and the old ladies will definitely talk... nobody understands what i really want!!! i think i just became a insignificant person to everyone



This is the exam timetable for the remaining UTs... Tuesday is a killer. I can predict that some people may not come to class because they would be studying for the UT.... haha.... I just cannot wait to finish the whole series of the UT...


I have gotten a new blog skin... it is all a new start.. i want to get out of my boring life!!! puthusu kanna puthusu!!! haha.. watch out for more changes...






yummy!!! finally the rock concert can end



STRESS with LOGBOOK..haha..

SLACKING TIME!!!